i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
