Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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