Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
