Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
