Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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