"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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