Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
