They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
