I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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