Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
