She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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