just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
