I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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