i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
