and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up under a house in Key West
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