Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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