Please, let me fuck your mom
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
