ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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