you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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