I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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