Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
