You can't special order awesome
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
