so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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