woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
