He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
