just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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