i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
