Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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