It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
