I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
