i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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