when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
