ya dads aren't the best wingmen
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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