We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
