Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
