Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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