I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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