I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
