he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
