So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
