He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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