he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
