I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
