I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
