He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
