Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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