I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
