just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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