just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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