the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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