Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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