Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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