Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize