he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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