Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
