We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
