Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
