I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
