She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
