ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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