i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk is not a location!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
