What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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