u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sober January is a disaster.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
