She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
