I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
