Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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