I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
