I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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