Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
