absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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