I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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