Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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