we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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