good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
