everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
