You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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